|Gasping for air and having just watched all the blood drain from his face, my wife could tell something was wrong with him.
“Honey, are you ok? You dont look so good”, my wife says across the table at lunch.
It had been just 2 weeks after my little brother had to have brain surgery.
Yes, that is correct!
FREAKING BRAIN SURGERY!!!!!!!!
You know, like that thing you say in passing as kind of a joke to make fun of someone….
“its not like it brain surgery or something”
But you never really know anyone that actually has it?
Yeah, that kind fo surgery.
Last year my little brother (well it is my wife’s little brother but saying brother in law all the time when this kid is closer to me than my onwn siblings just doest seem right) got into a car accident. He wasn’t hurt bad but he went to get a full checkup just to make sure
They ended up finding a growth on his brain. Wasn’t life threatening… now. But it could be later. So he didn’t want to wait around for that and did all the prep to get it removed.
That was a little over 2 weeks ago. And he has been a little miracle child since then.
Only a short while out of surgery he was already conscious and talking and everything. Which doctors say is just amazing from such a procedure.
So here we are, 2 weeks after surgery, where we have been taking shifts nursing/watching over him at home… he goes in for is 2 week check-in and doctors say he is doing fantastic.
Even cleared him to drive again. But just to take it easy. Even though I think it is a terrible idea. I mean… he DID just have brain surgery. But what do I know?
Now at lunch with my wife Sisi (the one to my left in my pic) and something isn’t right.
He is wobbly on his feet and starting to faint. But not before vomiting the pad Thai noodle they just enjoyed.
In a painic my wife rishes him to the emergency room. Only to have these overworked and frustrated ER doctors tell him he is probably just hot or dehydrated
YEAH!!!! I will take a second opinion if you don’t mind thank you very much.
So, on top of helping my dad bury his baby sister after a sudden death just a month or so back and brain surgery and my mom who ALSO needs a pretty extensive surgery but is refusing the treatment… lets just say my mind has not been on work or………
or on anything else but my family really.
Take my dad for instance…
He was not even talking to his sister at the time because they were fighting over who the hell even cares now! Something stupid and insignificant.
And to top that… her daughter wasn’t speaking to her either because she wanted to go on a trip with her mate and her mom (my aunt) didn’t want to watch her dog. So both my dad and cousin’s last words with my aunt were not nice. And weren’t speaking.
So she had to be cremated because it was over a week before anyone close to her tried to contact her again. The body was barely recognizable by the time they found her.
Now they have to make amends to and empty shell… and hope the spirit listens.
Life is funny that way.
Whatever it is you have been spending the last few months on…
whoever that person is in your life that you feel is important to you
whatever that fight is or grudge you are holding…
Whatever risk you have been wanting to take but holding back…
Whatever thing you want but are waiting for the timing to be “just right”…
whatever is causing you grief right now…
Whatever you may be crying over…
Whatever your ego is telling you not to apologize because you are right…
Look back. If these were your last days… for you, or the others involved… would you be happy with how you spent them?
Some of this crap is meaningless!
I have been taking some much needed time to regather myself, my goals, my life, my relationships. And really put in to perspective what is “real”.
What is adding value to my life?
What do I even value to begin with?
Since my mind has been scattered I have been looking into meditation and regaining my focus.
A couple of good ol google searches let me to this new focus app that just plays good sounds. Different from regular ambient sounds. has some strange science to NOT habituating. Fascinating stuff.
Anyway, it is called focus@will
. I has been helping me through all this…. scary stuff.
More info here http://coachlikes.com/tofocus
Hope it helps you with… whatever you need to focus on right now
P. James Holland
ps. i promise I will be back soon. Just wont likely be the same person with the same goals. Be prepared for that
pps. and now… are random image… because you deserve it for making it through this long… and waaaay to serious email. (make sure images are enabled)