The Pressure to ‘Get Over It’ is Violent
“Just move on.”
If I had a nickel for every time some well-meaning “positive” person told me to just get over it, I’d have enough money to buy the silence of every guru on the planet. Look, let’s be honest: telling someone to “get over it” isn’t support. It’s a demand. It’s a demand that your pain stop being inconvenient to the people around you.
It’s not just annoying. It’s violent. Not physically, sure, but it’s a violence of the soul. It’s the act of telling a human being that their current reality—their grief, their anger, their absolute wreckage—is wrong. It’s gaslighting wrapped in a “good vibes” bow.
I’ve been there. I’ve spent years trying to “heal” according to the manual. I did the gratitude journals. I did the affirmations. I tried to scrub the blood off the floor and pretend the house wasn’t on fire. And you know what happened? I just became a professional at pretending. I wasn’t healing; I was just getting better at lying to myself.
Here is the truth-bomb: The “fix” is the friction.
The moment you decide you need to “get over” something is the moment you stop living your life and start managing a project. You turn your soul into a broken toaster that needs a new heating element. But you aren’t a toaster. You’re a tapestry. And the tears, the breaks, and the absolute disasters? Those aren’t mistakes. They are the threads.
Stop trying to erase the wound. Stop trying to reach some imaginary “fixed” version of yourself where the pain is gone. That person is a ghost. They don’t exist.
The power move isn’t “getting over it.” The power move is integration. It’s looking at the wreckage and saying, “Yeah, this happened. It was soul-crushing. And now it’s part of the weave.”
Your Action Plan:
- Stop the scrubbing. Next time you feel the urge to “positive think” your way out of a dark mood, stop. Let it be dark. Let it be messy.
- Own the bruise. Stop apologizing for not being “further along” in your journey. There is no finish line. There is only the weaving.
- Fire the guru. Anyone telling you that you can “solve” your personality is selling you a map to a place that doesn’t exist.
Stop fixing. Start weaving. Get off your ass and start living with the cracks. That’s where the gold is. ✍️