I spent a decade thinking my life was just one big software bug. You know the feeling—the “I’ll be happy once I fix this” treadmill. Fix the anxiety, fix the habits, fix the career, and then maybe, finally, I’ll get my “real life” back.
But here’s the thing: the obsession with “fixing” is often just another way of avoiding the life we’re actually in.
“Relentlessly focusing on upgrading myself was sucking the joy out of the life I was living right now.”
— The Everygirl
It’s like we’re trying to paint over the cracks in the pavement instead of realizing that the cracks are where the air gets in. I’ve been reading about this “Radical Acceptance” thing—the idea that you have to play the scene you’re actually in, not the one you wish you were in. If you’re in a scene where everything is a mess, you can’t start acting like you’re in a scene where everything is perfect. You just have to be in the mess first.
This video hits on something I’ve felt for years: the goal isn’t “recovery” in the sense of returning to who you were before the crash. That person is gone. The goal is something called Post-Traumatic Growth.
“Post-traumatic growth holds that those who endure highly traumatic life circumstances can often see positive psychological growth afterward.”
— Rehabs.org
It’s not about getting “back” to normal. It’s about becoming someone new because the old version of you couldn’t have handled what you’ve been through. You don’t “fix” the break; you grow *around* it.
If you’re tired of treating yourself like a project that’s perpetually “under construction,” you might like my thoughts on why your life isn’t a broken toaster.
Stop trying to find the “fixed” version of yourself. Just start playing the scene you’re in.