I’ve been noticing this thing lately. This obsession with the “healing journey.”
It’s everywhere. The podcasts, the Instagram carousels, the “5 steps to finally move past your trauma” guides. And on the surface, it looks like progress. But if you look closer, it starts to look a lot like something else: another optimization project.
We’ve basically turned our emotional recovery into a performance review. We’re not just living; we’re “doing the work.”
Here’s the rub: when we make “healing” the goal, we create a new kind of friction. We start judging ourselves for not being “healed enough.” We treat our pain like a bug in the software that needs to be patched so we can get back to the “optimal” version of ourselves.
It’s the same trap as the productivity gurus, just with more crystals and soft lighting.
“Toxic positivity is characterized by several key features. First and foremost, it involves the denial or avoidance of negative emotions. Instead of acknowledging and processing feelings of sadness, anger, or fear, individuals caught in the grip of toxic positivity attempt to push these emotions aside, often using platitudes like ‘Everything happens for a reason’ or ‘Just think positive thoughts!'”
— Neurolaunch
I’ve been there. The phase where you’re so focused on “growing” that you stop actually existing. You spend all your time in the “waiting room” of your life, convinced that once you’ve finally “healed,” the real version of your life will begin.
There’s a danger in becoming a “perpetual patient.” You start to identify more with your recovery than with your actual life. Your identity becomes “The Person Who Is Healing,” and suddenly, you’re terrified of actually getting better because then you wouldn’t have a map anymore.
“The journey toward genuine recovery, unlike the immediate ‘fake comeback’ demanded by toxic positivity, is non-linear. It is a process that involves accepting the inherent ups and downs of mental recovery.”
— Rock Bottom Hope
Maybe the secret isn’t to “heal” at all. Maybe it’s just to stop fighting the mess.
What if we stopped trying to “solve” our trauma and just started weaving it into the fabric of who we are? Not as a “lesson” or a “breakthrough,” but just as part of the landscape.
If you’re tired of the treadmill, maybe it’s time to stop trying to fix yourself and just start living with the pieces.