How to prepare yourself to be a lifetime housewife starting at age 17

Today’s question is from a concerned coming of age little pre-woman.  She asks:

“I’m 17 and my only goal is to be a housewife. What should I do to prepare myself?”

Great question.  You really are getting ahead of the curve and getting a head start. If only all women starting planning this early.  So, bravo to you first of all.
A few simple things that can prepare you to be the best wife and be able to serve your man for all eternity.

  1. Take up yoga especially like women who are bendy. When trying to court an man, first thing you should do is show him your sun salutation and your warrior pose.  He will likely reward you immediately with some sort of hand gesture or the licking of his lips. This is a positive sign of approval
2. Study 18th Century French Poetry
Nothing proves you will bear many healthy children than showing how smart you are. Men naturally have an affinity with pretty sounding words. He will be showing you off to all his friends in no time
3. Kegels 

Many women do Kegel exercises to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles. This can help manage or prevent physical problems such as the leakage of urine. Kegel exercises can also help improve women’s sexual health and pleasure by:
  • Relaxing the vaginal muscles, which allows the vagina to be more open. This is helpful for women who are experiencing pain during sexual intercourse and/or with pelvic exams
  • Increasing sexual arousal
  • Improving a women’s ability to reach orgasm
  • Improving blood circulation to the vagina
  • Increasing vaginal tone and lubrication

Continue reading….

and if that was not an impressive enough list, here was the best suggestion by Kat Rectenwald:

I’m 17 and my only goal is to be a housewife. What should I do to prepare myself?

I have a relative who shared your dream.

She wasn’t pretty, she didn’t came from “a good family”, she wasn’t really smart, either.

She left school early, at age seventeen, I believe, and started a job in an office as a typist.

She fucked her boss, but really was in love with her bosses boss.

Who ignored her.

She fucked everyone from who she hoped to be stupid enough to marry her, no one was interested.

She hadn’t anything to offer beside sex: she hadn’t any household skills, couldn’t cook, was terrible with money, had no people skills, no education to speak of, but apparantly she wasn’t too bad between the sheets: her boss gradually gave her raises and better positions, until, years later, he offered her a really, really interesting position that was way above her abilities and her interests.

She got training over the course of almost a year, too bad she was addicted to cocaine (not that I believe she would have managed when being sober) ; she completly screwed up, gave her notice and disappeared for a year, sobering up in a Kibbuz.

Her “looking out for the right man” continued.

When she came back she stole a poor idiot’s sperm, but he only married her after he believed to die soon. Which he didn’t.

The marriage was, surprise, a complete disaster, and none of the two had the slightest warm feelings for their partner.

They divorced.

She kissed ass with one of my exes and tried to lure him into a relationship, but he wasn’t interested (he already had to pay for another woman who gave him sex and pretended to love him), but he gave her a small job and a cheap apartment for rent, which she didn’t pay for, took him a while until he noticed.

Meanwhile, she had fallen in love with a guy who fucked her, had money, but no deeper feelings for her, either.

That’s when her current husband showed up, poor sucker fell in love with her.

Not that it was mutual, but she had to move out because of her debts and so she moved in with him, he had a payed off house and a stable job with a very nice income.

They got married, despite everything that lacked: sexual compabilty, trust, good communication, everything, but hey, he had money.

It didn’t took long until they treated eachother like shit, and he treated her child like shit, too. Who treated him like shit in return.

The few times I visited them I left with the feeling I was actually a healthy person with healthy relationships (far from true, but still, at least I wasn’t in that kind of sick relationship).

She waited until the children had grown up and started to work in a minimum wage job at some point, out of boredom, I guess.

Her children are very well aware of why she married her husband, one of them, a psychologist, claims to be unable to have relationships and I don’t really wonder why; she has never seen her mother doing anything else than using people, including her own children.

Her marriage is a lie, and so are her other relationships too, at least that’s how I know her, I would be very, very, very surprised if that had changed.

Infact I know for sure that hasn’t changed because of how she treated me.

She’s almost sixty now.

I’m pretty sure they cheat both, last time I saw him her husband hit on me, pressing his body against mine, out of the blue. And her? Well her morals always have been…flexible.

Her life: a sad and repugnant display of incapabilty, abuse and meaninglessness.

A life wasted, one could say.

She succeeded in one point though: to find an idiot who was willing to pay for her and her raising children, the only goal she ever had to fill the hole in her heart. She was equally terrible at being a mother, too, btw.

Did she fill the hole in her heart?

I very much doubt it.

The moral of the story: the only preparation for the life you wish is to learn to stand on your own feet, anything else might get you in trouble easily and is naive.

Once you’re financially dependent over a long term, you’re screwed, there is a power imbalance and it’s hard to get out there again.

Very hard.

Don’t do that, chances are you will regret it like billions before you.

Here, have some uplifting music with that.

Click here to read the full story


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