Everyone needs to set boundaries in a relationship.
Lately, lets be honest. . .
You have been a little bit more drained than normal.
You haven’t changed your diet.
You are still going through the exact same daily routine.
Everything seems to be in order.
But it’s not.
You feel… Off!
Like you have not been yourself lately.
Like you wouldn’t know how to identify what “being yourself” actually even means.
You are do damn nice!
Maybe you are just a people pleaser.
But there is healthy difference between taking full enjoyment out of enriching the lives of others and pushing all of your own needs aside for fear of disappointing someone else.
You can’t please everyone.
I know that is hard coming from me, since, of course, I am the only one on this planet who does, in fact, please everyone =-)
But unfortunately you are not me. You cannot expect to have the types of results I have with people.
There really is only one super simple step you need to take to place healthy boundaries on your relationships…
Learn to say no
Having firm boundaries is one of the hardest things to have, especially if you’re a born people pleaser and who isn’t, right? But saying no, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, is crucial when you’re serious about honoring yourself. Always saying yes, always being there for others means always putting yourself last. Now, that goes against everything that self-love is about. So, say no to others more often and say yes to yourself.
Deone Higgs says
It’s only been within the last couple of years that I’ve been able to learn this important lesson myself, James. I was definitely a people pleaser. I had to learn this important lesson of setting boundaries the hard way. Giving the wrong people too much access will definitely solidify and drive this lesson home. It’s SO important that we learn when to “yes” and the time we need to say “no.” Very important lesson for sure! Thanks for sharing.
P. James Holland says
It can be tough. This is something I still struggle with today. A necessary skill to develop if you want to achieve your own personal goals.
Maurice Lindsay says
Great post James…I’m not a born people pleaser, so its not hard for me at all to say NO…But in the same token, I don’t like hurting people’s feelings either. But in the end, if you put other people’s happiness before yours, you will never be happy. And I can’t live like that, so i just choose the latter, and just say NO.
P. James Holland says
You are exactly right Maurice! This EXACT topic is covered in detail in the post “Follow Your Dreams. . . And other useless advice” This post covers the importance of being selfish and why that is NOT a bad thing. SO I totally agree with you man!