I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I was failing a test I didn’t have the study guide for. You know that feeling? Like everyone else got a memo on how to ‘adult’ or ‘be successful’ or ‘have a plan,’ and it just got lost in the mail for me.
For a long time, I thought that was the problem. That I just needed to figure it out. To find the right system, the right habit, the right… whatever.
But lately, I’ve been looking at this from a different angle. What if the ‘not knowing’ isn’t the bug? What if it’s the feature?
“Psychological, emotional, and spiritual health depend on accepting how much in life cannot be known, and that it is important to have the courage to face uncertainty and ambiguity.”
The Wisdom of Not Knowing – Estelle Frankel
That hit me hard. We spend so much energy trying to kill the uncertainty, we forget that uncertainty is where the actual living happens. If you knew exactly how everything turned out, you’d just be watching a movie of your life instead of actually being in it.
There’s something about just admitting ‘I don’t know’ that feels like a weight lifting off your shoulders. It stops being a confession of failure and starts being an invitation to be curious.
“Embracing uncertainty within the ‘question-answer gap’ can unlock capabilities and opportunities for growth… Releasing control reduces stress and anxiety.”
The Power of Embracing Uncertainty – Psychology Today
I’m still working on this, but the more I lean into the gap, the less I feel like I’m drowning in it.
If you’ve been feeling that crushing weight of needing to be ‘fixed’ or ‘over it’ already, you might find some peace in the pressure to ‘get over it’.
So, if you don’t have it figured out today? Good. Welcome to the club. Grab a coffee and let’s just be confused together.