I used to hate that phrase. ‘Just get over it.’ You know the one. Usually comes from someone who loves you, but they’re just… uncomfortable. They want you to be ‘back to normal’ because your sadness is a mirror they don’t want to look into. It’s not actually about your healing; it’s about their comfort. And when you can’t just ‘flip the switch,’ you start feeling like you’re failing at being a human.
The problem is that the pressure to ‘move on’ actually becomes another layer of the trauma. It’s like someone telling you to stop bleeding while they’re still holding the knife. We call it ‘positive vibes,’ but sometimes it’s just a polite way of saying ‘shut up and be happy so I don’t have to deal with this.’
“Wanting people to quickly “move on” from challenges without allowing them the necessary time to process and heal… the insistence on just getting over it becomes a shaming tactic.”
Untangling Emotions: Toxic Positivity, Self-Care, & Shame
Real healing isn’t a straight line to a ‘better version’ of yourself. It’s more like weaving a tapestry out of a bunch of broken threads. Some days the threads are just… messy. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be ‘fixed.’ The goal is to stop fighting the fact that you’re broken and just start living with the shards.
If you’re feeling the weight of the ‘ideal self’ today, you might want to look at my thoughts on the violence of ‘healing’.
Stop trying to solve yourself. Just be here. The mess is where the life is.